Once I have figured out how to monetize this blog I am going to invest the proceeds and start a business building actual walk-in wardrobes. Because that is my real passion in life. The walk-in wardrobe is the ultimate ‘My Space’. Every girl needs one. A place to relax, to be yourself. Somewhere to keep your secret things. I am only at the research and development stage at the moment, scoping things out. But I’ve got big plans. I would offer a complete service, from the initial concept right the way through to installation and even maintenance. We would come in and talk to you. We’d look at your current, inadequate, stand-outside wardrobe and the battered cardboard box that you keep your girly things hidden in. We would measure all your undies, count all your false nails and sit down to discuss colour schemes. Our product would not be cheap and you will need to wait for it because of course our factory could only operate while our wives were out.
Our installation team would be very slick. To the outside world our crew would appear to be a mobile house maid service, admittedly with very fashionable employees. OK, not many maid services would need to park a fifty-foot truck in your street but our vehicle branding looks pretty convincing. And we don’t think you need to worry about your neighbours – if they don’t notice you slipping in and out of your house in your wig and heels, they’re not going to think twice about our presentable ‘girls’.
Our Unique Selling Point (USP) is the way in which we can make your walk-in wardrobe fit invisibly into your existing scheme. We will partition off however much of your bedroom your wardrobe needs, up to half, and then redecorate your room with a false perspective, trick-of-the eye effect that will make it look just as big as it was before. You would never be able to let your wife into your half of the bedroom but then you probably never do. And, if you have been particularly ambitious with the size of your wardrobe, your wife might notice you sleeping much nearer to her than before – we don’t make a charge for that.
At Handover we would give you a full one day training session which includes a free complimentary album with pictures of you in your wardrobe. Lilly’s Walk-in Wardrobes do not require much maintenance. Depending on how much you spend with us the service ranges from a photocopied instruction sheet written in Korean to a monthly visit by one of our ‘maids’. She will carry out structural checks to ensure you are not overloading your new toy, oil the hinges (specific models only) and tell you, again, how to operate the remote control.
We will be able to offer you finance too, though Lilly’s Walk-in Wardrobes are much more affordable than you might imagine. Think of all the money that you waste every time you ‘purge’ your clothing collection due to lack of room. Spend your money on a Lilly’s Walk-in Wardrobe instead and purging becomes a thing of the past: you can expand your collection to your heart’s content.
We will feature a visit to one of our top-end wardrobes in a future edition of our newsletter. In the meantime you can find details of our full range on our website (http:/Lillyswalikinwardrobes/yourenotseriously lookinghereareyou?).